I know 5 people who accept whoever I pretend to be because they accepted whoever I really am.
There’s a mountain around my hometown area that i always pass by car. this mountain makes my day, everyday. There’s a road ,from the bottom to the top of the mountain, that’s lit with bright yellow street lights. At night, the mountain is almost invisible and all you see is yellow dots, like it’s a stairway up the sky. I can never take a picture of it which makes it even more special.
I have no memories related to the mountain, and i’ve never been to it. This mountain makes me calm and makes my problems seem small and unimportant.
you see, i chose this mountain and i let it make me happy and BECAUSE i chose that, nothing and nobody can take that away from me.
I think you are able to choose what makes you glad you’re alive. I think, with time, you’ll grow to appreciate a lot of things, but you’ll love little things that are precious to you.
i’d say men are different.
that would be because I’m a girl. but then there are things about men i never thought of, like how they think or what they think people think of them. sometimes i think men need love, or at least crave it. but that’s another deal. here’s what happened:
i thought about giving my older brother a bookmark because i saw how interested he was in a book he left in his car. he loves huskies. and i had a 3D bookmark with a snow wolf on it. so i thought it’d be perfect. but then .. he doesn’t use bookmarks .. he wouldn’t use an animated one.
one time i was walking outside with my brother. he took a turn to throw something in the trash as i kept walking. he told me to stop and wait for him so people wouldn’t think he’s a stalker walking behind me.
shit ! i would’ve NEVER thought of that. never. it’s not such a big deal but it made me wonder. i think that if you’re in a situation about someone, you should put yourself in their position and you’ll understand their actions. that being said, you’ll NEVER see what a person has been through. you’ll never fully know even if you can read minds. because that’s a whole other life.
i guess that applies to everything els involving others. because they are OTHERS.
i also wonder why I’m thinking like this, i feel like i examine every detail in everything i see. the problem is that i see the same shit everyday!
A lot of things have been rushing in and out of my head lately. It’s so crowded I can’t hear myself.
I’ve got a research and a report due next month and I didn’t even start, I’ve got no internet at home and birds are invading my territory. I’ve been having extra awkward conversations with my family and I’ve been meeting a lot of normal people.
I find myself, at times like this, doing little things to satisfy myself and to enjoy being alone. So here are some thing I do only for me:
workout ,whenever I’m in good clothes and in bad mood I follow a list of exercises that are very useful for my body. But also, when I do that, the rush in my head cools down to a hum colliding with the music I’m hearing. Working out makes me stop thinking because I keep my attention on the counting and the lyrics mostly.
laying down, I don’t know what it’s about, I just lay down on a couch or a bed and I stop thinking. Sometimes I make big decisions laying on my bed closing my eyes. I probably do that after a busy day or a long workout.
sketching, I like to draw. Sometimes I don’t think I’m good enough. But I never stopped because it helps me calm down and focus on the tip of my pencil. There were times when I didn’t hear my phone while it lay right next to me just because I was drawing.
tweet, because there are awesome people on twitter that I never met. I love talking sarcastically about life and coffee. I’m not twitter famous though.. Yet
bubble baths, my bubble baths include books, a loud radio, nail polish, coffee and rubber ducks. I enjoy my bubbles to the extreme because I think I deserve it. ( I hope none of my household ever read this)
stare, I do this all the time, sometimes I don’t know I’m doing it. I stare blankly at certain objects that interested me at first but later on my thoughts drifted me away from seeing it. I hope this isn’t too weird, but sometimes I forget to blink. Staring at art work is my favorite, because when I look at it long enough, I start thinking how it was made and how the artist felt about certain lines… etc.
read, because books are gates to new places, new people and new feelings. Living in a book is a dream you enjoy until someone interrupts you. (I hate that so much I bought earplugs)
think of new ways, I like to think of new ways we can do things. New ways an author can end a story, new ways to say things, new ways to test people, new ways to manipulate. (I didn’t do anything, but I thought of new ways to hide bodies)
Maybe there’s more, but I don’t feel like typing anymore. Thank you if you got this far.